there is something in your life that isn’t working, trying to change it isn’t going to work, either. The only thing that is going to work is actually changing it. Saying you are going to “try to change” is code for “I’m not going to change but say that I want to change.” Doing Works Doing something differently, even if it doesn’t work out the way you planned is change. Change doesn’t have to be perfect. Learning a new coping skill is change. Experimenting with a new habit is change. Keeping a record of how you are doing things differently is change. Don’t Fool Yourself Only change is change. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you really want to change if all you are willing to do is “try.” Throw trying away and jump in with everything you’ve got, if you’re ready to do things differently in your life. What have you got to lose? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ We are working on the chapter titled “You Can’t Fix What You Don’t Know Ain’t Broke” in A Year to Change. Don’t forget to work on the exercise that will help you to figure out why you keep doing that unhealthy thing you keep doing. We will be able to change it next!

insecurities

perfection is when you focus on the value you bring to the world. Because when I focus on my values, on all those things that make me special, my insecurities feel extremely meniscal. Stop focusing on your insecurities and instead focus on your value and push yourself past those insecurities and take action to either change it or be okay with it. Many times insecurity comes from expecting too much from yourself. You focus on the negatives and ignore the positives (your value). Or maybe you have heard negativities around you for so long that you have started to believe them. When you surround yourself with critical or negative people your insecurities start to take on a life of their own. So do me a favor this week…the next time you feel that self-doubt sneaking in around your armor, instead focus on your value, move past it, and leave that self-doubt in the dust!

Lacking Motivation and Inspiration? 5 Secrets to Get Unstuck Print E-mail A while ago a coaching client asked me this: "Regarding a goal, if you feel unmotivated is it a sign you should stop? Or is it self-sabotage?" This is a great question. Here's my response, for her and for you: 1) Notice how you feel about the goal itself Let's say you want to write a book and get it published. Forgetting how hard it might be to achieve this goal, do you feel excited about holding your published book in your hands one day? Does the idea thrill you? If so, you've passed the first test. Your heart is in this goal or dream. 2) Detail clearly what "unmotivated" feels like and looks like If you can't get yourself to move forward on the path to achieving a cherished goal, what's the problem? Do you dislike the work itself? If you want to write or study something, do you like your topic, or do you secretly want to throw away what's practical and focus on something else that's more risky yet much more exciting to you? Do you feel unexcited about your workspace or environment? During seasons of my life where I've had yucky workspaces (one was a tiny office with no windows, another a cluttered space which hardly had room to turn around in) I got almost no writing or creating done. These days I'm in a beautiful bright space which is steps away from nature, I look forward to sitting at my desk and reward work done with a walk in the fresh air with my dog. Often you'll discover that it isn't that you suffer from a motivation problem, you just haven't got the ingredients of your circumstances right yet. 3) Do you believe you deserve to dream what you're dreaming? When I'm working with a client and they haven't done their "homework", meaning they haven't taken the steps they said they would to move closer to their goal, I dig deeper. Often what's holding them back (though they may erroneously label themselves as lazy, unmotivated or flaky) is that they suffer from "Who am I to think I could" syndrome. Like them, you may believe that even though you have lots of life experience you want to share and people have told you you're a great speaker, you couldn't lead the workshops you long to give because you need a long list of credentials after your name first. You may be bubbling over with great ideas or great art, but you're just a regular person, so who are you to start a website showcasing your work? Wouldn't all your Facebook friends just laugh at you? The latter is actually a real fear I have to talk clients through - people feel really self-conscious letting others see what they are starting to do, because it may be very different from who they've "been" publicly up until now. So often it isn't that you're unmotivated, it's that you're afraid that you don't deserve to have this dream. That you're being ridiculous or perhaps grandiose to even dream of it. You're afraid you're not enough. Afraid that people will laugh. Afraid that you'll fail (and that that would be worse than just dreaming the dream for the rest of your life). Afraid that when you finally step up and do what you're most passionate about, it will suck and no one will care and you'll have egg all over your face and no dreams left. The thing is, most people who've ever done anything they've longed to do have had to stare down these demons. The only way to get past them is to do what needs to be done (figure out the next step and do it). Alternatively, you could spend your life wondering what if. 4) Understand Resistance One of my favorite books of all time is The War of Art by Steven Pressfield (I have written more about this book in my article The Reason Why You're Avoiding Your Most Important Work). Pressfield is a genius at describing what he calls Resistance, the invisible force that rises up to block anyone who wants to accomplish anything. If you want to do something worthwhile, this force will come against you. It will try to convince you that you should take a nap before getting started, or wait until tomorrow. It will make you feel bored, grouchy, totally uninterested in doing what needs to be done. The only way to take down this enemy is to do the work. The next time you feel unmotivated to do something that you could have sworn you'd love to do, push past the lack of inspiration and just go do it. Notice what happens. Today I really didn't feel like writing, but I've learned to force myself to sit at my desk and open a Word document. Now I've written almost a thousand words. Happens pretty much every time if I just get my butt in the chair and manage to stay off Facebook (one of Resistance's favorite weapons these days) long enough to write something. 5) Use the Muse teven Pressfield recently wrote a wonderful blog post called You, as the Muse Sees You. He describes his vision of how creativity and inspiration work: the Muse flies over the world every day with a bag of fabulous ideas, looking for people who have shown up. If you are sitting at your desk ready to write (or are sitting at your easel, or are ready to outline that workshop you dream of giving) the Muse will see you from up high and toss down an idea to you. If the Muse flies over your house day after day and each time you're procrastinating or avoiding what you're meant to do, eventually she gives up and doesn't stop by anymore. What Pressfield describes as his Muse I like to call Divine Inspiration, but I adore his whimsical description of what happens when you just keep showing up. In my experience, not only do you get great ideas but doors start to open, you meet people that have or know just what you need, all kinds of good things happen. The ball gets rolling. You are on your way. But first, you have to get past a whole lot of unmotiva

keep learning

Here are 4 ways to keep learning. Be curious. When you feel that grumpy, threatened feeling coming on — switch to curiosity. Make it a habit to ask, “Tell me more…” when someone’s talking about something unfamiliar. “Where can I find out more about that.” is another terrific question. No one gets offended by curiosity and it can often take you someplace wonderful. Admit you don’t know it all. Of course asking those questions and opening yourself up to learning means you have to let people know you don’t know everything. The world is changing fast, 20 years experience doesn’t teach you everything you need to know. It’s OK to say, “Hey, that wasn’t the way I did it — but I want to hear more about how you are thinking about it and how you might approach this. Would you explain that to me?” I think experienced people feel like that would undermine their authority, but in most cases it creates more respect. People understand that things are changing and they respect your willingness to go to that uncomfortable place of learning something new. Ask someone to teach you. If you realize that there is a greater gap in your understanding than can be had in one sitting ask for more. Try Reverse Mentoring, where you and a younger team member commit to working together and sharing knowledge on an ongoing basis. Not only do you get to learn new skills, you also build a bridge with your younger workers. They teach you a new skill, and you show them some vulnerability — making you more approachable, and leadership seems more attainable to them. Get out of the office. Sometimes it’s easier to learn in an environment where you don’t have so much at stake. Getting out to a conference, meet-up, user group meeting, or other gathering can provide a context where you can learn from others, but you don’t have the barrier of “being the boss”.

live in the present

1. When I get home I put my phone down. When I’m at home I want to be home. I don’t want to leave part of my brain at the office, I want to be home. One way I do that is when I get home I take my phone out of my pocket and put it on the shelf with my keys. I’ll leave the ringer on — if someone needs to get a hold of me they can. But just setting it down helps me to leave my work behind. It also means that when I get bored it’s not right there to distract me. It’s a little thing, but a first step. 2. I schedule time to do nothing. This one is really hard for me. I like to get things done, I like to get things off my list. But it really helps me to do nothing sometimes. I go for a walk in the woods, sit down by the lake, and just sit with my thoughts. At first it felt stupid, unproductive, a little weird. But over time, I’ve come to appreciate the quiet that comes if I stick with it. Practicing being still makes me so much more able to go back and find that place of stillness when I really need it in the middle of a work day. 3. When I’m on the phone, I shut my eyes. It’s hard for me not to get distracted, even when I’m on the phone! I start fiddling with email, or I get distracted by twitter, or I… Well, I get distracted. When I shut my eyes, 90% of those distractions go away, leaving me free to attend to the caller. If I don’t want to shut my eyes, I’ll take notes — not because I need to look back at them, but because I want to pay attention to the call. 4. I turn off all notifications. It’s easy enough for me to get distracted, I don’t need electronics to steal my focus. So I’m maniacal about turning off notifications. I don’t get any notifications on my phone (it still rings for calls and texts, but nothing else) or on my computer. No beeps or pop-ups for email, IM, downloads, event reminders, none of that stuff. I need to be with the people I’m with, not the people sending me emails! Still not convinced? Try to engage in some creative task while you have your kids and kin texting you the whole time. How did that work? Case closed. 5. I Listen with my whole body. Many years ago I was at a workshop where they were teaching this technique called mirroring, where you would adapt your posture, body position, even facial expression and respiration rate to match the person you are listening to. So if they leaned forward, you’d lean forward, if they put their hands on the table, you’d put your hands on the table. Mirroring never had any magical influencing powers for me, but I did find that it made me a better listener. When I’m concentrating on mirroring it quiets my mind. I’m not thinking about what I’m going to start talking about as soon as the other person stops talking, instead I’m right there with them.

do not mutlitask

Work on being present When we’re present (i.e., all in one place, focused on the current moment, in the current space, with the person who is actually in front of us…) we’re able to really give our attention to one thing. And when we do that, we’re way more productive! The holidays are a great time to practice being present. While we have a little bit of time off and may be able to grab bigger chunks of downtime, we are pulled in many different directions. The demands of family, the demands of the business at year end, and the expectations to give employees TLC, are like a perfect storm over the holidays, right? The temptation to multitask seems like it is never bigger. And that is why it is a great time to ignore those temptations and be present where you are. If you are spending time with your family, be with your family. If you need to put in some hours on a specific project, do just that. Attend to that project and nothing else; in any case, what happens during the time you are present will be more meaningful, have greater impact, and STICK better than what you do when you are juggling 2, 3, 4 or 5 things.

weed out distractions

Tomorrow is a new day, and you can get right back on track with a few tips that we think will help increase your productivity. 1. Clean off your desk. Get rid of the clutter and start fresh with everything in its proper place. Chefs call this “mise en place” which means “putting in place” before you start cooking—you are verifying you have all of the ingredients and tools you need in place before you even get started. The same goes for your work—have the tools you need in their proper places, and get rid of the junk. 2. Stop opening multiple tabs. Keeping one window open with whatever you’re working on will eliminate the temptation to check e-mails, social media, celebrity gossip pages…whatever it is that lures you from your work. 3. Use headphones—or shut the door. If you’re really going to buckle-down and knock out some work, you’ll need to eliminate noise and make sure others know you’re really down to business. We know you might like to keep an open door policy, but sometimes, that door just has to be shut for a while. 4. Keep your train of thought. If you do have to step away for a moment, leave yourself an unpolished note about where your thoughts were headed. It might look like jibberish to someone else, but you won’t lose time wondering about it when you’re ready to re-visit the subject. 5. Schedule your day—to the hour. Give yourself realistic time allotments for each task, and focus solely on each one during that time slot. No overlap, no browsing time (except maybe on lunch break.) 6. Reward yourself! Get up and stretch your legs for a few minutes, get a snack, take a breath of fresh air—and then get back on task. If you do this every couple of hours, it will break up the day and boost your spirits. 7. Say “No.” You know your limits, (don’t you?) so don’t overload yourself to the point of exhaustion. Delegate when you need to and ask for help when you’re overwhelmed. You’ll only burn yourself out if you try to pack in too much. 8. Start early/end late. Shifting your working hours might shift your mindset and eliminate some of the distractions of normal business hours. 9. Get pumped up. Have an anthem for when you’re ready to crush some work? Play your song, do some jumping jacks, and dive into your work refreshed with endorphins. It sounds silly, but it works! 10. Just do it. The core of the matter is: you need to get certain things done—and no one is going to make you do it but yourself. Buckle down and get it done.