how to deal with setback

Here are tips for prevailing even when things go wrong. 1. Acknowledge It. No one is immune to setbacks. If you have one, recognize the problem. By doing this you can start the process of transformation, for it is on the other side of the setback that we realize we are not going to be the same person we were before. We are going to be wiser, stronger, and better for it. Like nature and the seasons, the caterpillar and the butterfly, the tadpole and the frog, there's no turning back, there's no putting our head in the sand to pretend it isn't happening. Acknowledge that through the tough times, the miracles of transformation happen, and we can flourish on the other side. We are capable of doing amazing things-and even more if we can grow through our challenges. 2. Eliminate Blame. Things happen for no obvious reason sometimes. Exploring the way forward is much healthier than trying to blame someone or something for a setback that is irreversible. 3. Access Your Spirituality. Spirituality can sustain us in times of uncertainty and difficulty. When we feel like we don't have the physical, mental, or emotional strength to pull through, our faith in something more-whatever that may be-gives us the energy we need to keep going. Spirituality reminds us that we are a gift, and have gifts to offer the world. Our job right now is to discover these gifts and to remove the setbacks so we can give them to others in the future. Focusing on our spirituality allows us to see beyond this setback and find a purpose for it. 4. Give Yourself Time. Just as we need to allow time for wounds and broken hearts to mend, we need to allow ourselves time to overcome our setbacks. Impatience only makes them harder and longer than they need to be. We are in such a hurry to fix our problems and move on; usually this impatience is a pattern that overflows into other areas of our life. I am terribly guilty of impatience, and the only solution I have found is focusing on and enjoying other things while allowing a setback to be resolved in its own time. I try to remember what really matters. I think back to happy memories and keep faith that after this setback I will be where I want to be. It serves no purpose to dwell on a problem. Allow the movement of time to push you through it. Time does heal! 5. Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone. This is what I am doing now-confronting and staring a setback in the face, and sharing it honestly to say, "Hey this is where I'm at." This type of openness has enormous power. We can learn so much from other people who are dealing with their own challenges, but we have to share our own to do it. I'm dealing with a health challenge now, but I am not a victim. Setbacks can be overcome-even sickness. I know I will be in a better situation on the other side of this, especially if I hold onto my faith and joy. I am confident I can beat this! Yes we are all going to deal with setbacks in life, but we can overcome them if we see them as part of a bigger life picture, and commit to seeing them through from start to finish. Remember that this setback won't stop you from being who you want to be and doing what you want to do. 6. Step Back And Reflect. You may think the world has ended, but it hasn't. Rather than get upset and emotional about what's happened, stop what you're doing. Reflect on what's happened and start to think about how you will adapt to this news. You will be better able to deal with the situation if you take this moment to stop and reflect. 7. Find a Confidante Or Coach. Finding someone to talk to about your concerns and reactions can help. Even if that person can't do anything, the fact that he or she listens can help your state of mind. Also, remember the old saying "One hand washes the other." When that person has an issue, you can, and probably should, reciprocate. Avoid friends who merely will lecture you or lay a guilt trip on you. Yes, maybe you should have done things differently. But now is not the time to dwell on those matters. Request your Introductory Consultation HERE. 8. Stay Positive. "I complained that I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet." Looking at the positive side of things can be difficult. However, as the proverb suggests, things almost always could be worse. You didn't get that one contract, but do you have others that seem promising? You had problems with the presentation, but what parts did go well? I'm not saying you should be a Pollyanna or hide from reality. But focusing on the opportunities you still have or on what went right will be far better for your mental well-being than focusing on what you lost or what went wrong. 9. Focus On The Future More Than The Past. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal... Those who do not remember the past are doomed to repeat it. No, these two sayings do not contradict each other. Reflecting on past events is important. If you made mistakes that led to your setback, realizing that fact is important to reduce the chances of making the same mistake again. However, reflecting on the past is different from beating yourself up about the past. Engaging in "if only..." thinking, if it involves saddling yourself with guilt, will not help you. 10. Learn From The Experience. It's important to learn from your experiences -- but that's tough to do if you're mired in self-recrimination. Try, if you can, to view the situation as an outsider. Don't say, "What can I learn?" Say instead, "What can a disinterested observer learn?" "What did this person (i.e., you) do effectively? What could this person have done differently?" This approach lessens the chance that you simply start making yourself feel guilty. Once you have gathered your conclusions about the matter, you can begin to do something constructive. 11. Be Careful Regarding Blame. Maybe you, or someone else, did do something wrong. Avoiding that same mistake in the future is important. However, simply blaming someone else, or even yourself, doesn't help. For this reason, it's better to focus on "Next time do it this way instead" rather than "You &&#&$! You shouldn't have done it that way!" 12. Find A Way To Benefit. Try to find a way that something good can come out of the setback. One classic example is Titanic. After that disaster, among other things, lifeboat guidelines were changed so that minimum numbers were based on passenger capacity, not weight of ship. In the same way, see what changes are appropriate. Should you change a procedure or policy? Should you change your own approach or strategy? Having something good come out of a setback lessens its sting. 13. Write About Your Experience. One way others can benefit from your problem is to read about it. And the more analysis you can put into your thought process, the more the reader will benefit. If you do write about a setback, remember to make the situation as broad as you can. I hate to say it, but readers probably won't care about your own emotional reactions. They might care, though, about lessons you learned and how those lessons might apply to them. By the way, I am not advocating that you deliberately mess up, or create a problem, just so can write about it. 14. Teach Others. Don't limit yourself to just writing about lessons you learned from a setback. Volunteer to speak about the issue, if it's appropriate. If you're teaching a class, consider using your own experience as an example. Students will appreciate the real life information. 15. Remember That Failure Isn't Final. Before winning two Super Bowls, John Elway lost three of them. Before winning the 2004 World Series, their first since 1918, the Boston Red Sox had lost their four previous ones. Even though you might have experienced a setback, it need not prevent you from succeeding in the future. Until next time...Live With Courage