- Identify the unwanted behavior. Let's call it behavior 'X'. 2 - Taking on the presupposition that every behavior has a positive intention ask yourself what the positive intention of this behavior could be. Write down as many as you can think of. Six or more is a good number. Have fun doing it and above all be honest with yourself. What does that behavior really get you? Perhaps it's attention, perhaps it makes you special in some way? Maybe it's an old pattern you're simply rather attached to? Perhaps it's an old behavior that you learnt as a child but is no longer needed? Don't forget the silly ideas which you know in yourself are true but nonetheless ridiculous. 3 - Accept that this behavior really does get you something. Think about it for a moment. With all these positive intentions of course you are going to find it difficult to change. Just take a moment to stop and accept the truth of this. Time to explore how you could do things differently... 4 - Now take each positive intention in turn and ask yourself how you could achieve the same positive intention without behavior 'X'. This isn't a commitment and you don't have to do anything. Just list how you might achieve the same positive intention. Do this for each positive intention and enjoy coming up with sensible and crazy ideas. It's brainstorming time - not judgment time. 5 - By now you should have a much clearer view of what behavior 'X' is really all about and also a whole bunch of options for different ways of behaving. That stuck and frustrated feeling you might have started with may now have lessened or disappeared. You may even decide that behavior 'X' is ok - perhaps with a little modification - and it's time to take that 'beating myself energy' and use it for something more useful. 6 - Commit to doing things differently. Decide how you will modify your behavior and decide how you will remind yourself to do so, i.e., what impactful and unavoidable reminder will you put in place to keep you on track