Tips & Tools for Kick-Ass Life

Tips & Tools for Kick-Ass Life Shift your mindset. Tell yourself this is the most magnificent life has ever been. Even if you do live in a van down by the river. You might have to fake it ’til you make it, but start. Now. Tell yourself this is not only the greatest time in your life, but YOU are the best you’ve ever been. Note: This is a work in progress. You can’t just think it and say, “Phew! That was easy!” You have to say it aloud, write it down yourself, make it a daily practice. When you fall out of the habit, just notice and start over. What totally rocks in your life right now? (Even if it’s only one thing.) _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ What is something you don’t like in your life, but that you can change your attitude about? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Open your eyes. If you’re not facing the reality of what is really going on in your life, take a moment to truly listen and see. Without judgment. Even if it’s just for a few minutes, admit what’s happening around you. Quiet the voices that tell you whose fault it is, make excuses, or whatever your nay-saying voice tells you. Perhaps you are a fierce perfectionist, have disordered eating, or are suffering from depression. Or maybe you’re in a bad marriage or relationship. By not admitting to what’s really happening, what is the price you are paying for staying in denial? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ What are you really afraid of facing? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 1 2 page 6 21 Tips & Tools for a Kick-Ass Life. No Bullsh*t Included. by Andrea Owen If you live in the land of victimhood feeling sorry for yourself, pack your bags and move out. Loving yourself is not about having a pity party. It wears on you (not to mention the people around you), breeds onto itself, and will give you more of the same. Sure, it’s okay to feel sad, or frustrated, or whatever feelings you need to feel about your current circumstances, but if you’re setting up residency there, see Step #1. What are you getting out of being addicted to suffering? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Who do you need to be in order to stop blaming everyone else for your unhappy circumstances? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Forgive yourself for any past mistakes you may have made. You cannot truly love yourself if you are still beating yourself up for mistakes you made in the past. Maybe you have mommy guilt over something, maybe you abused your body somehow, or maybe you did something that was less than honorable just last week. To stop judging yourself over the past? You are human. Sometimes in the “Human-ness” of us all, there is some “Human-mess.” We all have it. Remember: We all cope the best way we know how, at that time, with the tools we have. Learn from it and move on. What would happen if you allowed yourself to move away from the past mistake? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 3 4 page 7 21 Tips & Tools for a Kick-Ass Life. No Bullsh*t Included. by Andrea Owen What would it take to forgive yourself? What if you just made the decision? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ If you need it, get some therapy. If you have deep scars from childhood, get therapy. If you suffer from depression, anxiety, anything that consumes your life and makes life hard to live every day, get therapy. If you’re in therapy and you don’t like your therapist, fire him or her and find a new one. Use resources available to you. Do the homework they give you. Showing up at your appointments isn’t a magic trick that’s going to heal you. YOU are. What do you have to lose by trying to find a great therapist? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ What do I want to get out of therapy? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Take inventory of toxic people in your life. You know who they are. The person who consistently shows up in your life and sucks the energy out of you. Who isn’t reciprocal in what you give to them. Or, that person in your life that is just an asshole. And yes, it might be a family member. You are an adult. You CAN make the decision to have them in your life or not. This might not be an easy one, trust me, I know, but I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to surround yourself with people who make you shine for who you are inside your heart and soul. 5 6 page 8 21 Tips & Tools for a Kick-Ass Life. No Bullsh*t Included. by Andrea Owen Who do you need to distance yourself from in order to break free from their dysfunction? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ What would be better in your life if you eradicated this person(s)? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ If you’re in a dysfunctional relationship, take responsibility for it. If you’re in a relationship where the other person treats you like crap, remember: You’re the one who is sticking around for the crap, deep down knowing it isn’t going to get better. And yes, I get it that both outcomes of this situation are crappy. One; you stay and continue to get more of the same in your relationship. Two, you leave and are unsure if you made the right decision, deal with the pain of the break-up and loneliness. Are you hanging onto the “if only...” notion? If you’re in love with “if only,” that person isn’t going to show up to give you the love and respect you truly deserve. Yes, you! What are you holding onto by staying in this relationship? What is it costing you? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ In 5 years, if you are still in this relationship and things are exactly the same (or worse), what are you going to wish you had done, now? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 7 page 9 21 Tips & Tools for a Kick-Ass Life. No Bullsh*t Included. by Andrea Owen Ask for support. Why is it that some women have such a hard time asking for help? Do they feel judged? Less than perfect? Like a failure? Perhaps. Try making a list of all the people you can think of who love and care about you. You may need to narrow it down to people you know will be there for you. Make a list with a big marker and put it somewhere you will see it, like by your computer or fridge. When you are feeling crappy, call or email one or all of those people and specifically tell them you need (fill in the blank). Not everyone may respond. But, at least you had the courage to ask. That, in itself, is courageous and admirable. What is holding you back from asking for support? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Who can you call this week and ask for support? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Put out in the world what you want to get back. Like attracts like. What you feel, say and do needs to be in alignment with what you want and desire in this life. If you are constantly in negative self-talk, convinced you’re a loser, envious of other people and hating that you’re single, guess what? You’re going to keep getting more of that, sister. You have to be willing to not only change the conversation in your head, but what you say out loud to others and about yourself. If the committed energy you have is negative and NOT what you really want, again, you’ll continue to get more of that. Shift your thoughts. Commit to what you really want and set your thoughts, beliefs and feelings in alignment with that. 8 9 page 10 21 Tips & Tools for a Kick-Ass Life. No Bullsh*t Included. by Andrea Owen Think about what you really, truly desire. How are your thoughts and feelings in alignment with this? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ What is one minor tweak you can make in your thinking to get more aligned? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Kick your gremlin’s ass. We all have one. The voice that doubts us, tells us we “can’t,” compares us to others, convinces us we aren’t good enough or worthy enough. Mine still pipes up every once in a while too! First thing to do is just know it’s there. Just telling yourself you know that voice is speaking to you may be the first step you need. Many people live most or all of their lives listening to this voice as truth (which the gremlin voice always presents itself as). Become mindful of it and ask yourself what just happened to have let your gremlin get so loud. Gremlin managing is so important to me because I’ve experienced huge changes in my life and seen changes in the lives of my clients. I’ve created an entire e-book and workbook for it, along with an at-home e-course. Click here for more information. What does your gremlin sabotage in your life? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ What are your main gremlin triggers? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 10 page 11 21 Tips & Tools for a Kick-Ass Life. No Bullsh*t Included. by Andrea Owen Practice being “good enough.” When you start to get all hot and bothered about needing to be the absolute best at something, remind yourself that at the end of your life, you won’t give a shit. I’m not saying you should become a slacker. Striving for excellence is one thing —in fact it’s great to strive for excellence in what you do. But when it robs you of what’s truly important, loosen up on the reins a little. You are good enough, just by being you. What does “good enough” mean to you? (Watch out for gremlins here!) _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ What can you do today to remind yourself that you are good enough? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Notice how often you play the comparison game. Notice I didn’t say, “Stop playing the comparison game.” We all play it to some extent; I think it’s in our nature as human beings. I’m sure cave people used to envy each other’s caves and compare who had more hair on their backs (eww). But, the first step is just to notice it. With anything in your life, whether it’s something tangible or how you feel about a part of your body, whenever you feel that you need or want something, ask yourself what triggered it, and what the true reason is. Does your true self need it or is it your gremlin telling you something false? What’s the biggest thing you compare yourself around? Other women? Co-workers? Your partner’s ex’s? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 11 12 page 12 21 Tips & Tools for a Kick-Ass Life. No Bullsh*t Included. by Andrea Owen What could you do this week to help minimize the amount of comparing you do? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Perfectionism is paralyzing. It will sabotage you for life. No one has all the answers. No one has it all figured out. No one. You are not perfect, and trying to fake it will only tear you down and beat you up. Mistakes and failures are awesome because we can learn from them to become our true self. No one ever became his or her most true, beautiful, authentic self without failing many times. We all have to be willing to look crazy sometimes in order to get what we want. What are you being robbed of by always wanting everything to be perfect? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ What are you getting out of trying to be perfect? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Trust yourself. Even if you’re the type person who doesn’t trust other people. Even if you’ve made bad decisions in the past. No one can do this work for you but you. Just reading this e-book isn’t going to magically grant you self-love and change your life for you. I’ll say it again: Trust yourself. Trust any positive thoughts you have about yourself. Your intuition is always speaking to you in some way. It takes practice to get quiet and listen. Start now. 14 13 page 13 21 Tips & Tools for a Kick-Ass Life. No Bullsh*t Included. by Andrea Owen When has your intuition spoken to you where you didn’t listen? What happened? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ What is my intuition trying to tell you perhaps about a situation you are in right now? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Notice if you esteem yourself through someone else’s eyes. I used to do this. I never learned about loving myself, I just expected it from my boyfriends. And when they didn’t, my whole world fell apart. When we were happy, I was ecstatic, when we weren’t, I felt crappy about myself, even hated myself. I needed to learn to love myself unconditionally, even when my boyfriend didn’t. I desperately felt that I needed to be loved in order to love myself. If you feel this way too, I have news for you: First, if your boyfriend is a piece of shit to you, leave him. Second, you deserve love first and foremost from yourself. The end. Do you esteem yourself, or do you make it someone else’s responsibility? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ In your relationships, do you love yourself first and know that you would be okay and lovable with or without that person? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 15 page 14 21 Tips & Tools for a Kick-Ass Life. No Bullsh*t Included. by Andrea Owen Surround yourself with people who respect and appreciate you. Like attracts like. If you choose to only surround yourself with badass people, guess what happens? You will become and remain your true, badass self. And a funny thing might happen when you start to accept and be true to yourself. You might lose some friends. If you do, I can assure you they weren’t holding your heart like they should have. But, the other relationships that are truly worthwhile will grow, and you’ll attract the most awesome people you could ever ask for. It’s not magic. It’s just life. Who are the people who truly love and care about you and who have your best intentions at heart? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Who are the people that aren’t serving you? What can you do about it? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Boldly stand up for what you believe in even if it’s unpopular. I don’t care if you are passionate about something that everyone else thinks is weird (and if they do, they just don’t understand it). It’s not your job to convince everyone to think like you, it’s your job to do what makes you feel good. What do you believe in? What makes your heart sing and can make you jump on a soapbox and preach it? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 16 17 page 15 21 Tips & Tools for a Kick-Ass Life. No Bullsh*t Included. by Andrea Owen What are you doing about it? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ If you think it’s about your weight, or your size, or even food, think again. If you’re not happy being overweight, or even 5 pounds heavier than you think you need to be, you aren’t going to be truly happy as a skinny person either. Sure, you might feel better about the way you look, but what’s really going on inside your heart? That, my friend, won’t lie to you. You heart will whisper to you if you’re really unhappy. Don’t ignore it. What is truly going on? What are you hiding from? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Never, ever, ever apologize for who you are. NEVER! You were born with a unique and distinct personality. It was tailored just for you. It’s uncomfortable and difficult to try to change and morph into something we’re not. Whether you think you should be different, or someone else says so, you are you. And it’s your birthright to embrace it. If you’ve been hiding your uniqueness, what is the voice in your head making up about it? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ How could you fully embrace your uniqueness? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ 18 19 page 16 21 Tips & Tools for a Kick-Ass Life. No Bullsh*t Included. by Andrea Owen Remember it’s all a work in progress. You may will have setbacks. And it’s frustrating, especially when you’re doing work on yourself, feeling great and suddenly something derails you you weren’t expecting. It’s not about doing the work and suddenly saying, “TA DA! I’m fixed!” It’s about doing the work, learning from it, moving forward, noticing setbacks, and learning some more. No one is immune from setbacks. How can you go easy on yourself when you have a setback? _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ What if you could make up a manta or saying that is personal for you, when you have a setback? (Example: Oops. I did it again. So what? Move on.) _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ Remember: It IS possible. What if, WHAT IF you could feel totally kickass- awesome about yourself? If you don’t, I invite you to ask yourself to say, “What if I could love myself completely for one minute?” Start there. And see what happens. And if it doesn’t work at that moment, try again! 20 21 page 17 21 Tips & Tools for a Kick-Ass Life. No Bullsh*t Included. by Andrea Owen Why I Know You Can Do It A lot of people ask me how I did it. How did I get from point A (being in a hole full of crap to dig out of) to point B (a happy, fulfilled life)?. I’m also asked how I stay so positive