The Love Code: 3 Things You Must Know for a Lifetime of Joy, Intimacy, and Great Sex The Three “One Things” ■ One Thing #1: There is one thing on planet Earth that will insure a wonderful relationship. ■ One Thing #2: There is one thing on planet Earth that will turn off One Thing #1. ■ One Thing #3: There is one thing on planet Earth that will turn One Thing #1 back on. One Thing #1: Love One Thing #1 is simple, but we make it complicated. Here are four wise quotes about One Thing #1: “Love is a friendship set to music.” Joseph Campbell “The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” Thich Nhat Hanh “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” James Baldwin “Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.” Anaïs Nin Spending a week, a month, or year letting the wisdom of these quotes sink in, would help us better understand the true nature of love. One Thing #2: Betrayal We think of betrayal as the secret affair that ends a marriage. But often the affair is the final betrayal. Here are 10 betrayals that most people don’t recognize. John Gottman describes them in his book, What Makes Love Last: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal: 1.Conditional commitment 2.A nonsexual affair 3.Lying 4.Forming a coalition again the partner 5.Absenteeism or coldness 6.Withdrawal of sexual interest 7.Disrespect 8.Unfairness 9.Selfishness 10.Breaking promises Being human we will betray and be betrayed, but if we understand how deadly betrayals can be, we can minimize them, heal them, and learn the third “one thing” that can turn love back on again. One Thing # 3: Trust The one thing that turns love back on is a simple thing. It’s called “trust.” When we trust our lover, we know that they won’t betray us. Not only do I know that Carlin won’t have an affair, but I know she won’t lie to me, that she respects me, that she’ll carry her own weight in our relationship, and will keep her promises. I know she has my back and will be there for me when I’m scared, feeling down, or am worried and confused. In describing the importance of trust, Gottman says, “I now know that there is a fundamental principle for making relationships work that serves as an antidote to unfaithfulness. That principle is trust.”